Given my choice of industry you might have assumed that I’d know a thing or two about being pregnant before being pregnant. Turns out I don’t / didn’t and that all the things I did know were quite frankly BS.
My life choice for the last 8 years has resulted in me being surrounded by tiny humans, small bumps, big bumps and a tonne of emotions and yet I still had no idea what to expect.
So this is me, telling you what it’s actually like to be pregnant. As I sit on 12 weeks + 1 (I mean seriously who even says things like this????? Pregnant people apparently)
Before I dig in and any Wilma’s out there get their knickers in a twist I want to make something very clear. I am INCREDIBLY grateful to be pregnant but that as humans it is possible to hold more than one emotion at the same time. Gratitude and frustration. Gratitude and pain. Gratitude and worry.
This is me (and my story) a grateful pregnant person telling you what it’s actually like to be pregnant.
Morning Sickness.
Why in god’s holy name is it called morning sickness? It’s the biggest load of tosh there is. Morning my ass. I was under the impression that morning sickness made you feel a bit rough when you woke up in the morning, you might struggle to chomp on some dry toast, occasionally throw up in the bathroom or in a layby or on a dog walk but generally be feeling well and able to take on the world by mid morning. That was a lie.
Morning sickness is actually all day sickness. It varies from human to human and quite frankly sucks. Some people don’t get any (lucky you) and some people get Hyperemesis (definitely not lucky) and everyone else falls on the scale somewhere in between. For me, the reason I even thought about doing a pregnancy test is because I felt like poo. I can confirm the test was positive almost as soon as my wee hit the stick.
I’ve been feeling sick, all day, every day since I was 5 weeks pregnant. Toast is my nemesis - I’ve banned it in our house. The smell makes me throw up and today is the first day I’ve brushed my hair… (don’t worry I do actually brush it when I wash it but that’s only once a week). The reflux and gas is grim. You fart like a fart machine and burp like someone from the Simpsons (I’ve never actually watched the Simpsons but I feel like they burp on there…). All food is unappealing and everything stinks. My husband, my house, my dogs.
I’m lucky (?) After two weeks I decided enough was enough and went to the Doctor who kindly gave me anti sickness meds and a few weeks later some antacid. The combination is working pretty well. I predominately don’t actually throw up, I just feel like I might and I gag and wretch like a charming human.
The Spots.
Seriously. What the actual? I feel like a 14 year old teenager going through the throes of puberty with an acne covered face. I mean, yes, it probably pretty much is that with those raging hormones flying around my body. But seriously? Is not making me feel crap enough? No. I need to be a spotty mess too. Great.
The emotional trauma at the thought of gaining weight.
This for me is one of the hardest things I’m facing. I (most of the time) like / love my body. I am also hugely impressed by the body and what incredible things it can do and I campaign and teach a lot on how you are beautiful as you are and yet… the thought of gaining weight (which is inevitable given that one of the only ways to stave off the nausea is to eat and I’m growing a human) fills me with dread and fear. I wanted to google the other day how to stay skinny when pregnant - what the hell is wrong with my mind???? You’ll be pleased to know I didn’t. But that’s the truth of it. This is my body and I don’t know how I feel about it not looking and feeling the way it has for so long.
And look Wilma - I don’t need your comments or care what you think. I know that my thoughts aren’t great and I also know that I will work really hard every single day to be proud of what my body is doing and be thankful for everything it has done, is doing and the incredible way it will change. But this is the truth that nobody ever talks about. My body changing scares me and yes I do wish I could grow this incredible human and still look the same.
Overall - being pregnant isn’t what I thought it would be. The sickness has been debilitating, the mental strain has made me cry almost every day and the thought of my body changing fills me with fear.
However, I have never once said I’m hating this and I have never once told myself I can’t do it. Being pregnant is a gift that I’m grateful for. It just would have been nice to have known a little more about the actual reality of being pregnant beforehand!